Monday, March 11, 2013

Spinning Out of Control


I had another dream last night about the interview. I sat down on this steel bench across from whom I thought was Evel Knievel. I start to ask the questions on my note-pad but when I look down at its white, lined surface there is nothing there but a blank void.

You’d think at this point it was just your average stress dream: Can’t think of the questions; you're in your underwear; you're late for work; being chased by a bear; yaddah yaddah… but it’s become so much more convoluted.

As I stared dumbfounded at the white expanse of my note-pad, trying desperately to think of just one question to ask, the figure previously thought of as Evel began to shift in its seat. Taking a closer look, I realized that it was not Evel, but rather a person wearing a veil with Evel’s face on it. Who was underneath? As I reached towards the veil, a hand reached out behind it towards my face. It appeared to be a woman’s hand.

Suddenly my mouth was full of questions flying off my tongue like Evel himself soaring off a ramp. But with each question I asked, this veiled woman only echoed back with a stranger question.

‘What do you dream about, Evel?
                        You really want to be Knievel?
What’s your proudest moment Bobby?
                        How can you make a living from some reckless hobby?
What was your family’s response to your career?
                        Is it really worth the soulless cheer?’
What do you want people to remember you by?
                        Do you even care that I might watch you die?...”

This went on for several rounds and each time I asked a question I was pulled closer and closer to the figure. Eventually I was close enough to reach the veil and rip it off.
And when I did, behind the veil was some weird collage of all of Evel’s past lovers. But the face had Evel’s steely eyes with my mouth yelling ferociously “What is it of your business?! You're just like all the other yuppie reporters! All you wanna hear about is fame and money and you don’t give a single damn about the truth! You want a lie! You want a lie! You are a lie!”

            And then I woke up, wobbled a little bit, and stared myself dead in the eyes. At some point in the middle of that dream I had wandered into my bathroom and begun screaming into my mirror. I think this project is driving me a little mad. I think Evel was a little mad. I think Evel is driving me a little mad…

Either way, it seams I’ve finally departed from my sanity. I’ve truthfully taken off from my own ramp on this one. I’m flying now –whether that’s a good or a bad thing- and I just hope I land in one piece.


http://www.ftfworks.org/

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